RE:think

Churches Have Guys Who Own Them?

My yougest said the darndest thing today. He is only 8, and we haven't been to church in a year, but the kid is very insightful. He was describing someone at one of his friend's churches and said "You know, the guy who owns the church. " I said "Who?" and he says, "you know, the pastor". We should all be very ashamed that we've set up system that makes 8 year old kids view the pastor this way.

If anyone wondered if the "Pastor as CEO" thing was real, where, there ya go. An 8 year old figured it out.

Best Albums of 2011 According to My Friends

I asked all my friends about their favorite albums of the year on Facebook and this is the list that we came up with. I highlighted my two favorites in blue. They were the two best rock albums we’ve heard in a long long time.

I guarantee everyone will see something here that they haven’t listened to before. That’s the point. I hope you will look at the list and try something new.

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Foo Fighters – Wasting Light

 

 

 

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                                                        Adele – 21

 

 

 

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The Black Keys – El Camino

 

 

 

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                                       Mutemath – Odd Soul

 

 

 

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Black Country Communion – II

 

 

 

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                                        Megadeth – Thirteen

 

 

 

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Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues

 

 

 

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                                   Rihanna – Talk that Talk

 

 

 

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Freezepop – Imaginary Friends

 

 

 

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                                Evanescence – Self Titled

 

 

 

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Chickenfoot – III

 

 

 

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                           Ryan Adams – Ashes and Fire

Winter, Christmas, and Me

This is always a rough week for me. By the time we get to late December the weather, the gray skies, the brown grass, and the leafless trees have done their number on me and I find myself in a familiar battle. I have a sadness deep within me that makes no sense whatsoever. I have no idea where it comes from. They tell me it’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder. I call it no fun. It seeps out of that place deep within, little by little, thank God, and while I am usually not overwhelmed by it, I am noticeably affected. When the stress and noise and expectations of Christmas get thrown into the mix there are days where the struggle is almost more than I want to deal with.

If you are shocked hearing all of this, well, I don’t talk about it often. Don’t get me wrong, I am generally a happy person, am very blessed, and love my life. If the weather is warm and the trees and grass are alive and green, I’m great! This is just as part of my life that I have to deal with. I know all the things to do to help combat it: sunlight, exercise, vitamins, spicy food, etc… They do help a bit. The feelings get muted, but they are still there.

I have accepted the fact that this is the way that God made me. In that, there are some good things that come from it. I am more likely to slow down and consider others. It reminds me to do this even when things are good. And while you all know I am not the most pious of believers, it does bring me back to my God and helps me remember he is still there and I am to trust him. It also shows me what life is like, be it in a very small way, for those who battle depression every day. I can empathize with those poor souls.

So pray for me if you think to and I’ll fight and claw my way to Spring with as big a smile on my face as I can muster. But more than that, find those people in your life that struggle, especially this holiday season, and pray for them. Do something for them where appropriate. Not one of us can make it alone.

For more infor on Seasonal Affective Disorder, click here. 

The X-Factor Final 10: Rock Night!

I’m going to record my thoughts on each act live and as it happens. With it being rock week, I am expecting to be disappointed. Paula has lost two of her acts already and I am guessing the 3rd makes it’s exit this week. Usually rock week means lots of cop outs and lots of these people not doing anything remotely close to rock and roll. Let’s see how it goes. Adding a “Rock Factor” score to the performances on a scale of 1-10…

Leroy Bell is up first singing Bob Seger, We Got Tonight. Ugh. Sounds good enough. The guy can really sing but he bores the heck outta me. Really bad song choice for rock night Nicole. Simon is right, he can’t win as is. Rock Factor: 4

Rachel Crow time singing Satisfaction by the Stones. She is so cute and sings so well. Just love her. She’s gonna be a real pro one day. She actually did pretty well with this one. I was surprised. Thought it would be too much. Rock Factor: 5

Chris Rene with some Bob Marley. First big rock week cop out. There is absolutely nothing rock about this performance. He’s the weakest one left I think. He is a decent performer though. I do like his “Occupy All Streets” shirts though. I want one. Rock Factor: 1

Stacey Francis, bless her heart. She has a great story, but I don’t think she has a chance to win. She’s good, but not great. So, here she is doing Meatloaf. Meatloaf? It started weird and stayed that way. Hot mess and light on the rock for rock week. The weird thing was that the arrangement sounded a little country to me when the band kicked in. Rock Factor: 2

Melanie Amaro, my favorite, singing Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. They are my most hated band of all time. So, being my favorite, she obviously sang it better than that skinny little Stipes dude did. However, it was another rock week cop out. It’s not gospel week. Best voice of the night so far though. Rock Factor: 3

Josh Krajcik You rocked it bro and you went with one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands. I don’t like the key you dropped it into, but I won’t be nitpicky, that was rockin’ when no one else has been. Rock Factor: 8

Astro I really hoped he’d step out and do something that really felt like rock even though he’s a hip hop kid. Using Diddy’s lame sampling of the Police was, yep, another cop out. Lame. BUT, the kid is awesome, will be a big deal one day, and may just win this thing. Rock Factor: 1

Lakoda Rayne do “Your Love” by the Outfield with a mashup with “Go Your Own Way”. The harmonies sound a mess as always. Not much more to say except see ya. The groups are done after tomorrow night. You did kinda do the rock though girls. Rock Factor: 6

Drew sings a song from another of my favorite bands. I do not want to hear U2 being yodeled. Yuck, Hated it. L.A. is right, same thing over and over. Rock Factor: 1

Marcus Canty goes with Janis Joplin and he is just not that good of a singer to me. He also looks a little awkward on stage to me sometimes. Rock Factor: 4

Let's Stir things up!!!

I think I may throw a few blog posts out the next few days on a few current topics. Things like Occupy Wall Street, the NBA lockout, and Presidential politics/election. I mean, what the heck, right? People get upset with me no matter what I talk about so let's just get right to the polarizing stuff!!!

Family For Sale to the Church Who Wants Us Most

We have a great family and we can go great things for your church! My wife and I have been happily and faithfully married for 16 years now. We have three wonderful children who we love and cherish and can add much to your children’s programs! We are hard working, involved, and have many interests. We are an interracial couple who can help you with your diversity initiatives. We have been in the church most of our lives and have so much to offer. So, who wants us to come and add value to your church?

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? I mean, selling ourselves this way is just crass wouldn’t you say? Not a thing there about Jesus and what it should all be about. So, why is it so many people put up with churches selling themselves to prospective members with glitz and glam and very little substance? Why do we put up with churches who tell us how great they are and what they can do for us while not being completely honest and acknowledging they don't really have it all together?

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate sincere invitations to come to a church to just meet and be with people, but why are those kinds of invitations so few and far between? I am tired of hearing about your programs and facilities. I could care less that you have a kickin’ band and a hip young preacher. It doesn’t matter to me how tech savvy you are or how awesome your website is. That stuff just doesn’t matter.

So stop it. You are doing God a great disservice and a lot of us are over it. We aren’t looking for a place that can give us the best products and services. We don’t want a place that spends millions on buildings and a pittance on the poor in their communities. We don’t need hip and we don’t need cool. Bigger really isn’t better. Matter of fact, we have found it causes bigger problems.

Tell your people to go out and make friends first. Tell them to involve themselves with their communities and never mention your churches name. Tell them to do things in their everyday lives that make a difference and not to sell your church to people so you can have more bodies and more money.

Of course if they do that you may not get butts in the seats. It all makes sense to me now…

Facebook Wall Photos: The New Kudzu

Having a little fun today…

 

Wednesday Wisdom: To Share or Not to Share?

I have been derided of at times and applauded at others for being a fairly open person. I share a lot of what happens to me and what I think online for my friends and even others to read. The thing is, while it may seem like it at times, I don't share everything. That's what I want to talk about today.

The world is made up of all kinds of people. Some are very open, like me, while others are extremely private. Most people probably fall somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong, just differences. The one thing though that we all have in common however is that there is some part of ourselves that we choose not share. WITH ANYONE. Yeah, I said it. We all know it's true. Whether we are married, have the greatest friends in the world, or even a therapist, we reserve a piece of ourselves just for us. Is that a problem?

Well, yes and no. The key is knowing what to hold back and what to let out. Some things just need to be our own. I am convinced of that. These things can drive who we are. Additionally, what keep to ourselves, more times than not, are the things we can find personal refuge in. The problem is, we have to know what is OK to hold onto and what is not. When it comes to a relationship, like a marriage, there are lots of things that we just can not keep from our spouse. Struggles, whether they be physical, emotional or spiritual really need to be shared. These things turn into secrets otherwise. Secrets can blow up into full blown relationship killers. Similarly, we have friends for a reason. Maybe you are a guy who really needs to confide a "man thing" to another guy. Maybe you are a woman who needs to do the same with another lady. We have to find those people in our lives who can be sounding boards and confidants if nothing else. They can help ease our burdens and most of the time they really want to help!

But how do we know when to hold something close or to share it? That really is the million dollar question. I wish I had steps A, B, and C for you, but I don't. It's different for everyone. I would say the following, and this is only how I handle it. When I don't know for sure, then I probably need to talk to someone about it. When that thing I am holding back is ripping me apart inside, it's time to let it out. And finally, when it is something that could hurt someone else, I better come clean. In the long run, when there is any question, no matter that the possible outcome, it's best to open up.

Be careful what you hold back. You don’t have to share it online or even to multiple people. This is all very tricky stuff and can lead to lots of heartache. There is a huge difference between internalizing and just asserting our individualism and independence. Most of us know the difference when faced with deciding what is what. It is what we do next that counts…

Facebook Bugging You? I Have the Answers

We live in a brave new world. For the past 5 years or so we’ve been given MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and a host of other services that allow us to share our lives, make friends and reconnect. If you count blogging, you can go much further back than that. There have been at least two constants over this period of time: 1) The services have grown, evolved and changed and 2) People have complained and worried all along the way.

Last week Facebook implemented many of the changes that have been rumored and tested over the last few months. They also mentioned new features at their f8 Conference that are coming very soon like Timeline and Open Graph. When the first set of changes were implemented there was lots of complaining and whining on Facebook. “Change it back!” “I think I’ll just quit.” “I wish Facebook would stop changing things.” We’ve seen this every time Facebook makes a major change or update. Every time though, people got used to it and moved on. The service continued to grow and all was well. Is that about to change?

Back to Timeline and Open Graph. Here is what they are in the most basic terms I can muster:

Timeline – This will turn your own profile/wall into a digital scrapbook and give you and your friends access to everything you have done on Facebook. It will also allow you to add pictures and life events that happened before Facebook. For example, I added my wedding date which was way back in 1996, before I was even blogging.

Open Graph – This is a protocol that will allow 3rd party services to report your activity back to your Facebook account. As an example, when I listen to a song on Spotify, or favorite a show on Hulu, it puts a notice of the activity on my wall.

I already have both of these features enable on my Facebook and personally like them. None of the activity that is getting reported or any of the thousands of updates I have made on Facebook contain any info that I am not willing to let those I have friended see. I have chosen to be on the service. I have chosen who to friend and not friend. And I can control even further who sees what with lists. So it’s not a big deal to me. But that isn’t true for everyone.

Tech pundits and Facebook haters everywhere are trying to stir people up and scare them. Once these features go live, all those Facebook Luddites that complained last week will lose their collective minds. These are big changes after all. They will make the changed of last week very small in comparison. Here is the great thing about it all however. Since the service is free there are basically two ways to handle this and they are quite simple:

You can embrace these changes, make them work for you, and enjoy them.

or

You can quit the service altogether and move on.

It really is that easy. Look, technology is not a static endeavor. It will change and evolve. It has to. We think we want things to never change but really, do we wish the internet still looked like this: CNN August 15th 2000 Of course we don’t. Change means we have to change and learn, but come on, isn’t that a good thing?

So, will people make it through this next round of improvements? Or will they see them as not being improvements at all and finally leave the service for another? I doubt it. Myspace is over. Twitter is not a good replacement. Google+ could be an alternative but are not in a position right now. The fact is, almost everyone we’ve ever known is on Facebook. As long as that is the case people will stick around. So since you are sticking around anyway, leverage these changed for your good.

Technorati Tags: Facebook,Social Media,Twitter,Google+

Double Lives and Social Media

Do you know that person on Facebook who is always talking about Jesus, and how great life is because of him, but when you see them in real life things just don’t match up? What about the guy who is deep, dark and depressed online, but you see him in real life and everything is ok? Or the lady who is “lovin’ life” on Facebook but is a mess in real life. Ever been one of these people? I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say “Yes, guilty”. Most of us have done one of these at some point and I’d like to talk a bit about handling the three examples I give here.

For me, the “Jesus poster” is easiest to understand. Probably because I have been that guy. We all know how sorry we can be as human beings. Even those of us who follow Jesus. What better way to make us feel better about our sins and shortcomings than to get on a public forum and talk about God and Jesus all the time. It is especially good for those of us who have been raised with a fair amount of guilt. Problem is, too many people in the real world know us and all credibility is lost. All I can say  is this: Be yourself and aspire to improve with help from God. Jesus is still going to love you whether you post on Facebook about him all day or not. In the meantime, don’t be a fake online. Believe me, people know. Those of us reading these posts have to remember they are trying to cope with who they are and who they think they should be. No easy task.

Next, we have the person who has always answered “Fine” when asked how they are doing, even when they are anything but fine. They’d rather not have to talk about what is going on in their lives for reasons ranging from fear of intimacy to flat out shame. Along comes Facebook and they can get all of their frustrations, problems and negative feelings out and never have to discuss them unless they want to. They can let people know what is going on without looking them in the eye and that is comforting to them. We’ll never get these people to change but this situation is easy to handle. They have made their cry for help. Depending on the level of relationship, just continue love, care, or feel for them as much as possible. They’ve told you what is wrong, now you know how to help.

Finally, what about the “lovin’ life!” example? This one is tough. For them, Facebook is a way to both escape real life and to make others think things are great. It works with the people they never see, but if they happen to be around some of these folks in real life, well, it’s easy to see right through. This is the group that angers me the most and I have the hardest time with. I have little patience for people who put up a front. Just being honest. But I am learning to deal with it. I feel like they could drop the façade and feel so much better. What to do? Even in the worst case scenario should it feels like they are doing this to appear better than the rest of us, there is something very ugly that lies beneath and is eating away at them. Keeping that in mind helps.

You’ll notice that all three examples are similar in that there is denial somewhere in the mix. Some people want so much to put their flaws and problems to the side, and not truly deal with them, that they will create a near alternate reality for themselves. We don’t need social media to do this, but it certainly makes it easier. It boils down to unhappiness and I truly do my best to empathize. I’ve been unhappy before and I have done at least one of the things mentioned in situations above. It really is about empathy. That doesn’t always come easy, especially for me, but if we don’t find some way to share in these feelings, how can we have compassion? And that is what they really need.

Technorati Tags: Facebook,Social Media,Denial

Facebook Changed?

So, we have this unbelievable service called Facebook. Well, maybe that is overblowing it a bit but, still, it has been an amazing phenomena the past few years. Who’d have ever dreamed we’d have a service, with 750 Million people, that would give us the opportunity, if we wanted, to get back into touch with almost anyone we’ve ever known, plan events, and even play a game or two? Add to that the fact that it is free and, well, how could we ever be upset?

Very easily seems to be the answer.

We are fickle creatures and we hate change. So, every time Facebook changes something up, like they did today, everyone rails against it, acts betrayed and threatens to quit. It is the American way after all. Change something we are all comfortable with and people will protest. It’s not surprising.

But is it really that big of a deal? If it is, go back to Myspace. Try out Google+. I mean, none of your friends are there and probably aren’t going, but what is the choice?

Facebook made some big changes. Some were even drastic. But I would just say, as I said earlier today, take a deep breath and really look at what they are trying to do. If you do, you’ll see we have more control than we ever have before on the site. Here are a few links to help you out:

Want your news stream to look more like it used to? Use this link I created and bookmark it:

http://www.facebook.com/?sk=app_2915120374

Facebook's Latest Changes: A Hands-On Look

Everything You Need to Know About the Facebook Update

Hope these help. Breath deep. It’ll be ok.

Monday Motivation

I talk a lot out in the social media playgrounds about Monday’s and making sure we all give our best effort towards making them awesome. It’s never easy to come off a great weekend and be slapped back into reality by the Monday morning alarm.

So, I’ve decided to post something fun, or quirky, inspiring, or motivational to this blog every Monday. Here is your first installment.

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes. Enjoy:

 

9/11, We Must Never Forget

10 years ago today I was at work. I worked for the cable company then so there were TV’s on everywhere. One of the ladies that worked up front ran to the back and told us a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center Towers. Moments after I stepped into the lobby to watch the coverage and the second plane hit the other tower. I remember cries and groans in that lobby. I remember looking at the person next to me and telling them our lives had just changed. Forever.

Evette was nearly nine months pregnant with Ricky and due at any time. He was born 10 days later. I remember thinking to myself that we were bringing a baby into such uncertain times. It truly felt like the end of the world. I seriously wondered if we’d ever recover and what the future was going to bring.

In fairly quick fashion my questions were answered. We are Americans. We are proud and we are generally optimistic. We all pulled together and we moved forward. Together. And although many things did change forever, we found a way not to. In all the sadness and tragedy, it was a very encouraging time.

I see lots of “We will we never forget” notes today. 10 years on we haven’t forgotten the pain, anguish, and loss of that day. We can’t. Traumas just don’t go away. But we have forgotten the American spirit that had us together, as one, in the days following. We are divided. We are mean spirited towards one another. We let politicians pull us apart. We argue about what is best for our country while not giving our best to one another. It’s so sad.

We must not forget those who lost their lives on that horrible day. But we also must not forget the unity that followed. We need that now more than ever. If somehow, someway we could swallow our pride and find our way back to that unity, it would be the greatest memorial of all.

More Pursued: Prayer in School or The Sermon on the Mount?

I asked a fellow Christian once “what is the greatest thing we as Christians can do”? After thinking for about 5 seconds they responded “get prayer back into the schools”! Now, this particular person was one of the sweetest and most sincere I know. But the answer was very telling when it comes to American Christianity and more specifically it’s evangelical forms.

This isn’t a post meant to bash anyone or talk about prayer in school. (Which still exists mind you. My kids can pray there whenever they want) No, I intend to simply make us Christians think about what our priorities are now and what they should be. The things we do in the name of our faith will mark us for good or for bad. So it’s a worthy exercise.

If I had been asked the question, my answer would have been no better. I’d have fired off some half baked thought like this: “The greatest thing we can do is undo the institutional church.” It would be in line with my feelings on the church and something I would love to see happen. In the end though, it would be a very bad answer to the question.

The maddening part of it all is this: we have been given the answer to this question in the person of Jesus. Want to do great things? Want to change the world? Want truth to reign? Then actually follow the guy we claim to worship. He left so many instructions. Unfortunately, we are too content to do things like fight political and social battles and problems with the church itself.

Of all the quoting's of the Bible I read and hear, so few come from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). We are given a virtual code for living in these verses. Some are very hard to follow. I think that is why we choose to ignore them. It’s easier to fight for the 10 Commandments to be allowed in public places than it is to love our enemies, be humble, turn the other cheek, stop judging, and choose the narrow gate. 

It’s my estimation that if we pursued these things the way Jesus taught them, we’d have no time to worry about all the battles we’d rather fight and could actually do some good and change our own small part of the world. We have so little time here to make a difference that we need to get it right many more times than we get it wrong.

I am not making a judgment on anyone’s favorite cause or even asking them to give them up. What I am doing is this. I am asking that those of us who are Christians to stop worrying so much about things God isn’t so worried about and listen to our leader.

When Misunderstanding Strikes

(originally seen at onelifers.com)

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We will never hope to make it through life and not have a situation where we have been misunderstood. We are all so very different, and wherever you find difference, you will surely find misunderstanding occasionally. The things we say and do are usually open to other’s interpretation and at times we have to deal with it.

So, what to do when it happens?

1. Keep your cool. Getting emotional will only lead to a bad decision or saying the wrong thing.

2. Look at the situation from the other party’s side.

3. It probably turns out we weren’t very clear to begin with. Start by clarifying your position.

4. Err on the side of kindness, even if you have been wronged or mischaracterized.

5. Leave others and what they have said out of the equation. Only deal with those directly involved.

6. Finally, do all of this with the intentions of a positive ending.